Thursday, 24 January 2008

DEPRESSION & agoraphobia

Marie has depression.

She rarely has it, but she's got it now.
It started on New Year's Day and has got progressively worse.
She thought about how crap her life was and started crying.
Now she has cries easily and often.

She withdrew from her "normal" life.
Her sleeping time increased dramatically & the rest of her day was spent online.
She wasn't interested in her kids, her family or her home.
She decided to stay with her parents for a while.

The good news is - she's not so scared of her parents' house.

But the children & I miss her.


I am working (for 2 weeks) at a branch of my business in North Devon.

This is the sort of scenery in this area, a few minutes' walk from where I work.

These pictures were taken at 890' (22.61m) above sea level.

Isn't it the scenery wonderful?

How can life be so simultaneously beautiful and crap?


Coffeecup said...

So sorry to read your news Robert. Indeed the scenery in Devon is gorgeous, one day I will go back to live there, that's a fact. However, to the point, I can well understand that a person can look upon a beautiful place like that and feel nothing inside whatsoever, except for misery. Depression seems to go hand in hand with anxiety/agoraphobia, and it's perfectly understandable that one's predicament will inevitably get you seriously down at times. Being caged by fear is crappy, and frightening, and demoralising, and on and on it goes. When Marie has the security of yourself and family though, it's not as obvious that such worries might creep in and overcome her optimism, but it's hard isn't it? Honestly it's expected that this would happen sooner or later, and I really hope that it's only a passing phase and can be overcome with reassurance and good things to hope for. Sometimes it's deeper than that, and not straight forward. Please give her my love and empathy, and tell her that she's not alone in having these feelings, from one who understands. I worry for you too though. It's not easy remaining cheerful when the person you are with is so low, and it's heartening that you are getting to see such lovely places and appreciating them. Winter is downright depressing for most people. You're a great soul Robert, I'd give you a huge hug if I could, so a virtual one is sent with sincerity. Your heart is still hovering above those grey clouds. Love and fondest wishes, Steph x

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, Robert. As you know, agoraphobia is never linear. I am most sorry that she felt she needed to leave. It must hurt you.

I am sure she'll be back as soon as the sun shines again. Winter is a hard time for many people, me included.

In my experience, it's nothing you did or didn't do really. Sometimes the darkness is just overwhelming. Send my support to Marie.

This too shall pass.

Be sure to take good care of yourself now, too.

SarahC♥ said...

Marie is always so chatty in the NMP chat room, it's hard to believe that she's suffering with this hideous illness. She always comes across as a confident women that nothing would effect her.

I use to be able to do that. Agoraphobia has chipped away at every little part of me and has left me in ruins.

Depression is something that i believe goes hand-in-hand with agoraphobia and anxiety. There is only so much you can deal with before it gets to you...

..don't i know it!!!!!!

Aff said...

Hi Robert,

It's hard to know what to say, really. Or more to the point, it's hard to know who to feel worse for.

Depression... well, I think everyone who visits this wonderful blog has some idea of what depression is like and so don't need to go into details.

However, not many of us have been in your position and so can't offer any advice or ideas on what might help your good self get through it.

I just imagine it being terribly, terribly tough.

*Waves imaginary magic wand*

Well, you never know...

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the news Robert!
I hope she gets better and returns to you.

Take care

Maximum said...

So sorry to hear that Marie is depressed - I hope if passes from her soon, and that you can all get back together soon.

Take care of you, make life as normal as possible for the kids and know that this too will pass.

Depression sucks, and it spreads to all those around the sufferer. Allow yourself to feel all you are feeling, it's ok to be annoyed, ok be lonely, to be all that you are right now.

Lots of people out here are thinking of you, and lots of people in your real life too.


Robert said...

To all you wonderful guys -

Thank you for taking the trouble to post words of comfort & support. It really means a lot to Marie & me.

I have to work full-time for the next week and I've got a the most wonderful little children to care for as well, so I don't have any time to fret about things! Marie's depression will pass in due course & life will improve.

Robert said...

Sarah -

I' aware that most anxiety sufferers also suffer from depression at some level, but Marie doesn't normally suffer from it. And never as badly as this time.

Marie, like many depression sufferers, hides her inner turmoil from the world. In nmp chat, where she goes to escape the horrors of the real world, she can be the life & soul of the virtual party. What you see of her there is just what she WANTS you to see...

Robert said...

Thanks Aff -

I never took you for a fairy, with your magic wand (lol); but you're a really nice fairy for caring!

Robert said...

Steph, hsp woman, maximum & gary -

I'm not feeling too bad about all of this - just throwing myself into parenting - it takes up all of my (non-job) time!

Also, Orla, my 2.5 yr-old, is a constant smiler and very affectionate. She cheers EVERYONE up (except, perhaps, the very depressed...). And I have an affectionate, if less smiley, 6.5 yr-old boy with his never-ending stream of questions to make sure that our home is never quiet!

And, of course, it's just a temporary situation.