Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Agoraphobia worsens and Depression returns

Marie’s depression didn’t stay away. She’s not as bad as she was at the start of the year, but she’s not too good either. She’s living here, but it’s like she’s in her own world a lot of the time. When she's not sleeping, you can find her in cyberspace, either in a chat room or on MSN. Joseph has noticed that his mummy is behaving differently and has asked me why is mummy like that? Orla’s behaviour has deteriorated. She’s got chicken pox, so she’s confined to home. She’s uncomfortable and gets bored and has to create a fuss just to get noticed. Both kids are stuck to me like glue when I’m at home.

Marie’s agoraphobia has got much worse too. We went out last Friday and she wasn’t able to walk more than 4m from the car. Even to look in a clothes shop – her favourite activity! There’s such a difference between how she is now and how she was, not so long ago, shopping at Clifton. On the occasions that she made it into a shop this time, she couldn’t get past an invisible line about 1m inside the door!

And she has stopped going out in her car.

Marie had been doing EFT exercises and she believed that it was helping her, but over the past couple of weeks she hasn’t been able to motivate herself to do her “homework”. Whatever help EFT had generated previously has totally evaporated now.

I have been totally unable to help her. I feel useless!

One good thing – her recently acquired ability to stay at home by herself hasn’t left, so I have been able to get the children out of the house now and again. Things could be worse!


BlyJette said...

Aww, I'm sorry that it's gotten worse... hopefully it'll get better, even just for a little while.

And replying to your comment; Blogging does help but as of lately I just haven't been able to find the words to type... it's difficult.

SarahC♥ said...

Marie is SO SO lucky to have you. As soon as my husband see's me not doing so well all the threats and bullshit starts.

My advice is simply be there for her.


John Garrett said...

There are times when EFT doesn't appear to work, at those times you may want to look at the possible toxic influences in the environment or inside the body.
However, I would suggest another activity: Permission and Choice Protocols. With the Persmission Protocol, you tap with the statement: I give myself permission to release all fear and negative energy around (YOUR ISSUE). I give myself permission to heal myself. I give myself permission to rid myself of (YOUR ISSUE).
Then tap the Choice Protocol: I Choose to release (YOUR ISSUE); I choose to allow EFT to work (FOR THIS ISSUE); I choose to (WHATEVER YOUR SYSTEM GUIDES YOU TO SAY).
Try those protocols and see what happens.

Good Luck, John Garrett (Parker,CO, USA)

Rachael Hale said...

Hi Robert
Sorry to hear about Marie. It must be so hard for the kids and you, and for Marie of course, but she's very lucky to have a supportive husband. Others are not so lucky. I hope things pick up soon, take care

Robert said...

Hi blyjette -

Most agoraphobia sufferers have better periods & worse periods. I'm just hoping that this is one of those worse periods & won't last too long.

I find blogging very therapeutic. Almost all my readers are sympathetic and many are very supportive. Where else could you get this?

Robert said...

Sarah -

I am SO SO lucky to have met you here in blogland! You're always there with support when needed.

I'm going to follow your advice.

Robert said...

Hi John!

We've never corresponded before, so Marie & I consider ourselves complimented by the fact that you took the trouble to share your tips with us. Marie is going to try the protocols you suggested and, in due course, I'll let the world (or, at least, that portion of the world that reads this blog) know how well they have worked. However, at the very least you've given us hope. Thank-you very, very much!

Robert said...

Rachael -

Thanks for your kind wishes.

Yes, it IS difficult for me, but I'll cope...however, it's obviously worse for Marie, and I hate to see the kids affected by this. But as I said to blyjette, hopefully this is a temporary blip, and "normal" service will be resumed shortly.

Gary said...

You are doing a great job Robert! keep it going for the kids and Marie, and i really hope things get better for all of you! like you tell me in my blog, be positive!

Robert said...

hey gary!

I'm trying to do what I preach, but it's hard sometimes! I was feeling a bit low when I wrote the last post...feeling a bit better now!

SarahC♥ said...

You're a good man.

Maximum said...

Hi Robert,

Sorry to hear about the setback Marie has had - hopefully shortlived and she'll be back to the place she was.


PS. Loved the story about Joseph btw - he sounds like a terrific wee boy. My son has in the past completely humbled me by showing such tender kindness and depth of character that I was stunned. Obviously, he's also sometime a wee toerag but there you go!

Aff said...

Just ditto the good wishes for a speedy recovery to the heady heights of before.

I know it's terrible for Marie and I know it's terrible for your children but Robert, how do YOU cope with it all?

And is there anything that any of us can do? Feels a pretty daft question really since this is the web but you know, have to offer because a) I think we'd all like to help and b) People deserve help more than others and I think you're more deserving than most because you never bitch about how hard it all is.

I do. Regularly. Your blog is truly humbling.

Robert said...

Hi Jeanne & Aff -

Thanks for the kind wishes. I expect things will start to improve again sometime soon.

And Aff - what's he point of bitching? I knew that Marie suffered from agoraphobia before we got together and I still married her!

Before I blogged, I was on my own with this. Being able to share my problems & gains - and share those of others in similar situations - really helps. I'm really grateful for the messages I receive here & by email. Thanks!

Aff said...

Hi Robert,

I bitch about every day things that I really shouldn't though. I always say that I'll do better and learn from my mistakes of moaning too much about insignificant things and reading here - and one or two other blogs of people here - really makes me stop in my tracks.

Again, best wishes. You're both in my thoughts :-)


Norine said...

I had agoraphobia about 20 -25 years ago. It took some doing, but I am completely free from it, and honestly feel that I am better for it. Make any sense? I learned alot from my panic attacks and feel much stronger.I am no longer afraid, in fact, I am just the opposite. If I can offer any advice, send me some questions. I am proof that it does not have to be permanent.

maz said...

Oh Robert (((Hugs))) your way, sometimes it's very challenging isn't it?
This week I can really empathise, we're having some problems too.

Let us both hope for some sunnier times!

maz x

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Rupert aka Elfic said...

Hi Robert & Marie
I bet you didnt realise but the jester you employed at your wedding was agoraphobic too! I was just checking out Elfic photos online & came across your site. I have suffered panic attacks for the last 12 years but gradually have been recovering. I just recently returned to my home town, Bognor, for the first time in 20 years which was a massive breakthrough. I can totally relate to Marie and the feelings she experiences. I recommend positive thinking (not allowing negative thoughts to create the panics), physical activities (football got me more in my body & less in my head) & lots of humour!! Good luck to both of you - it is so important to have a supportive partner rather than a critical one (I have experienced both!)
Rupert aka Elfic the Jester

Anonymous said...

I don't mean to offend anyone but clearly she is not getting better and everyone is enabling this.ie-at the wedding parking the car where it would be easier for her!!I have had agoraphobia since i was 14 i am now 19.I spent a year in bed and wasted away to 43kg. My mother never let me take the easy way out.I had to eat my tea at the table with everyone else, went for a drive in the car everyday.And did small things like checking the mailbox and running into the shop to get some bubble gum. All these small things make you more independant little by little.
I was bridesmaid at my sisters wedding also it was hard but i managed.Go out everyday and just remember if you need to escape your husband will be with you holding your hand and will take you home if need be.
you need to put yourself in situations that make you anxious and panic so you can learn you can handle it.
Sorry for the bluntness but this works for me
all the best k h