Tuesday, 4 May 2010

And the winner is...Anxiety!


Things aren't so good around here.  Marie's anxiety level is about exploding level. She is totally housebound now.  She is irritable and hasn't much time for our children, our home or me.

Marie and anxiety have been having a battle for quite a while.  And the winner is...well, you know who...

After a couple of months of this, I've realised that I am unable to cope with looking after the children, Marie, my business and the house.  I've been exhausted and my business has suffered.  I have excellent employees and I feel a responsibility towards them to maintain their employment.  So we've hired some domestic help.  This has freed up time for me to catch up with my business affairs.

I gave Marie as much space as I could over the last several weeks.  At last, this week, she came to me, and told me, tearfully, just how bad she felt.  And how she couldn't face living like this forever. She didn't know if she was going mad, or whether her medication was adversely affecting her.  We contacted contacted our family doctor and she agreed that Marie should discontinue her medication.  After a few weeks, if she still feels that she needs medication, we can discuss the alternatives with her.

Our agoraphobic neighbours have been terrific in offering assistance when requested.

Marie is fighting back.

Anxiety may have won the battle, but it hasn't won the war.

54 comments:

Sarah♥ said...

Marie was doing so well just a few weeks ago. Anxiety is just so rubbish.

You're such a good man Robert, Marie is very lucky to be married to someone who is so understanding of the illness.

x

The Fairweather Blogger said...

It certainly is a roller-coaster isn't it?

Hope everything improves soon.

Gary

agoraphob said...

wow Robert, sorry to hear things are not going well right now. Anxiety sucks. Hang in there. Hopeflly the medication will get sorted out and thing will start to improve.

Em said...

aw poor marie. i hope that her mood and anxiety improves soon. have they ever looked into a physical cause of maries anxiety? just wondering because there was me blaming everything on myself, when hypermobility can cause anxiety. just a thought. get better soon marie. xxx

maz said...

(((Robert, Marie and the wee ones)))
Sorry Robert, I guess you're on that roller-coaster ride for the minute!
Take care,
maz x

Kit Courteney said...

Oh, Robert, you give us a post like the last alliterational overload, and then this one.

Poo!

Poor Marie must be suffering terribly and it's such a shame, but to have you and those adorable children around must be such a blessing.

Very best wishes to all of you at this hiccough moment. May a lightness return soon, however small.

I really do think Marie is incredibly lucky to have someone like you in her life, and I'm sure you are lucky to have her.

Please keep us all updated :0)

Sapphyre said...

Big hugs to both of you... the rollercoaster is up this week at our place, thanks to me giving up a bit of control... hope we stay up here, and hope you guys get back up here too.

Kaci said...

I hope that Marie feels better soon. If she did it before, she can do it again! At least that is what people tell me when I have a set back. It's hard to believe at times when things get so frustrated but good to hear she is fighting back. :)

She is very lucky to have you in her life! I hope that someday I can find somebody so supportive and understanding!

Alcoholic Daze (ADDY) said...

So sorry things are bad again at the moment, but something had to give and so glad you are getting help at home. I do wonder, though, whether, if there were absoltely no other choice, Marie would be forced to face her demons and deal with the children and household herself. I found when there was no other way, I just had to get on and do it myself and I am glad now that I did that, otherwise I might still be there, hiding away from the thoings I feared. Unfortunately providing help and other props only prolongs the ability to escape. It's difficult for you both, I know and I don't mean it to sound as unsympathetic as it sounds.

Michelle said...

I'm sorry to hear that things have been going on this way. :-( For me, meds make a huge difference--quitting one nearly drove me over the edge, while quitting another one is uncovering mental health that it had paradoxically obscured for years! Getting the right balance is so important--meds, and diet and exercise too.

Robert said...

Sarah♥ - I have to agree - anxiety is so rubbish. :o( Whether of not Marie is lucky to be married to me...well, that's a matter of opinion!

TFB - We're near the bottom on the rollercoaster - hopefully slowly rising... Thanks for the kind wishes.

agoraphob - Yep, anxiety certainly sucks. However, when the meds get out of Marie's system along with their side-effects, things should improve.

max - Thanks for the hugs! Sorry I haven't been visiting you, but I'm rarely online now - no time!

KC - Poo! ...and boo hoo too! Yes, Marie's having a crap time. But I am lucky to have her and my 2 little ones. I just can't imagine life without them all!

Sapphyre - Thanks for the hugs. I think our roller coaster is going up - just a bit more slowly than I would like!

Kaci - You're right - Marie did it before and she will do it again! I hope that you find that certain someone...with what you have to offer, he'll be a lucky guy!

ADDY - I know that you're not unsympathetic, and I totally know where you are coming from. However, when I leave Marie completely to her own devices, she retreats into a small space and the children lose their mother. I think that that is unfair to the children and detrimental to them in the long term, so I'm trying to keep everything together, working as well as possible in the meantime.

Michelle - I could be wrong, but I don't think that meds are what Marie needs at the moment. However, diet and exercise - I'm totally with you there! Unfortunately, Marie doesn't yet want to join in with our morning family yoga sessions...and her diet is awful too! When she feels a little better physically, I think she might join the kids and me and embark on a healthier lifestyle. I'm certain that it would help.

ladythinker said...

I hope that Marie soon feels some benefit with the dropping off of her medication.

It's hard for you being torn in so many directions and feelings of responsibility to others. Be kind to yourself as much as you can and take time out.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

And don't let it win. I hope Marie is finding a little more tranquillity in life now.

CJ xx

♥ Kathy said...

I was a little worried that would happen. It seems like Tammy will do great for a little bit and then it's like she overloads and she's down worse than the time before. You're always in my thoughts!

Chiropractor Saint Paul said...

Oh its really bad luck very sad.

Casdok said...

Really hope things are picking up for you both. Sounds very difficult.

Nota Bene said...

Your last post was such a sad one...I hope as it's a few weeks down the road things have begun to turn around...best wishes to you all

BeckyG said...

I've only just come across your blog (via Grumpy Old Ken's blog), and I'm sorry to read how difficult things have been. How have things gone since your last post in May. I used to be agoraphobic - didn't leave the house for two years - and had high anxiety too. I'm absolutely fine in both respects now. I don't know if it helps to know that - that there is hope that it be beaten. Take care, all of you. Becky.

maz said...

Hi Robert you ok?
Keep strong!
maz x

jenlovestim8 said...

Hello. I just found your blog recently as I have been dealing with agoraphobia for a few years now and as you mention, it is definitely a rollercoaster ride. I'm sorry that Marie is not feeling at the top of her game right now, but she will get better - I have faith. I know how it feels when you are stuck in a bad place and feel like things aren't going to get better, but somehow they do....even if it's baby steps. After my wedding and turning 30 a couple years ago, I was homebound for 17 months - did not leave for anything, including important family events. Then with the support of my husband, I started going out on short drives on May 1st and haven't looked back. It is still a struggle, though, and I hate that. Although I truly believe that people who suffer and survive anxiety are some of the strongest individuals. You are lucky to have a wonderful wife and family and Marie is so lucky to have a supportive husband. I have a blog where I write about my drives every night....you two are more than welcome to read it, let me know if you want the link. Best wishes for happiness and another recovery for Marie soon! :)

Jennifer

ladythinker said...

MMmmm - no sign of an update - from this lack of post do we assume it's still a bad time for you all?
Thinking of you. xx

ladythinker said...

MMmmm - no sign of an update - from this lack of post do we assume it's still a bad time for you all?
Thinking of you. xx

Grumpy Old Ken said...

July 6th
Just to let you know I'm still thinking of you all.

Alcoholic Daze (ADDY) said...

Do hope all is well with you and the family. Your silence makes me think things are not going too well.

Laura said...

Robert, how are you and Marie and the family? I hope you will update your blog soon!

Madison Rose said...

Missing your posts, Robert! Hope that you and your family are well.

Anonymous said...

Hello, anyone know how Robert and Marie are doing. I always followed this blog and now nothing for over two months. I do hope it's because they are both getting out and about more.

Ruby said...

I am so sorry to hear that Marie has been feeling so bad. Hope she feels a bit better soon. Thinking of you both

Alcoholic Daze (ADDY) said...

Your long absence has been noted!!!Hope all is well.

Alcoholic Daze (ADDY) said...

Your long absence has been noted!!!Hope all is well.

Anonymous said...

Where have you gone? I have a daughter who suffers from agoraphobia and I take comfort from your stories about Marie. What is happening?

Aimee said...

Hi there, I found your blog by searching for Agoraphobia blogs. While I have only read this entry so far, I want you to know that it was very touching to me. I am 30 years old, happily married for 10 years, and I too have Agoraphobia. I am so very thankful to have a loving and understanding husband and I am thankful to see that you are a loving and understanding husband to your dear wife as well. As an Agoraphobic, I sometimes have pity parties and tend to take things out on my husband. I feel awful for doing that, and am trying my best to not do it. I see how hard it is on my husband to not be able to do certain things with me due to the Agor. and it hurts. I am thankful that I am somewhat better than I use to be, but I still have many limitations. I just wanted to reply to this to let you know that I am glad that you have written a blog about this from a spouses point of view. There are many Agor blogs out there I'm sure, but this is the first I have found from someone who is affected by Agor "second-hand" I guess is the word I am looking for. I see that this post is from May, and I hope that your wife and your self and family are all doing ok. I am following your blog and I hope that you will update soon. God bless!!
Aimee from Illinois, USA

Sarah♥ said...

I think an update is urgently required :)

x

hospitality widow said...

Robert - are you and your family ok? It's been so long since you updated.

Hope all is well,

Vickie

Anonymous said...

Hi Robert

It's been so long since you posted, I really hope it's because everything's going so well that there's nothing much to post about!

Jax

Jill said...

Sounds like you are in emotional overload. Anxiety is a beast. So sorry for you, your wife, and the kids. As you know by now it does wax and wane so hopefully soon she'll be feeling more herself. :)

Pibb said...

Hey - am checking in to see where things are 6 months since last posts??

Anonymous said...

Hi Robert, I just popped by to see how everyone was only to find you havent updated for quite a while. I hope everyone is ok, take care

maz said...

Hi Robert, hope things are ok.
(((hugs)))
maz x

Em said...

how are you and your wife robert, hope all is well.x

Sarah♥ said...

3 months since my last comment..

Where are you? We miss you!

maz said...

(((Robert, Marie & the wee ones)))
God Bless,
Maz x

Dirty Butter said...

It's been a long time since I've stopped by, and I'm sorry to see that Marie has not improved. I do understand that medicines can make you worse, not better. I run into that personally all the time.

May you and your family have a Christ filled Christmas!

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Missing You in Canada said...

My daughter's 7-year battle with agoraphobia (she's now 21) has had more 'downs' than 'ups'. Christmas has always been particularly over-whelming for us. I miss your stories; they made me feel like I wasn't so alone and such a failure as a parent. Please let us know you are well. To have you disappear has left such a gap in so many lives.
I hope you and all of your family are well and receive Christmas blessings this year and all the best in the New Year! Please write.

Laura said...

Robert, I hope you, Marie and your family are having a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Anonymous said...

Hey Robert, please update soon you're really missed (",)

Laura said...

Hi Robert, I hope you & Marie and the kids are all doing well.
It's a bit worrying since it's been almost a year since we've heard from you last. I hope one of these days you pop on to give us an update even if it's a wee one. I don't comment often but I'm a constant reader and you've been very missed.
hugs!!!

Anonymous said...

It's been a year and no new posts. :-( I hope you are all well.

Ceska said...

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Anonymous said...

please update us if you can. I love your blog and as an ex-severe agoraphobic with kids (i have only recently made progress) i always read with interest, your blog always gave me hope despite setbacks Marie may have suffered with.

I hope this message reaches you all in good health and happiness. Please come back if you can.

Claire said...

You have an informative blog. I’ve learned something from it. I have mine too www.claire-fernandez.blogspot.com...thanks

ladythinker said...

I also pop over occasionally to see if any news. Still in my thoughts

maz said...

Miss you Robert
(((hugs)))
Maz x

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Still thinking about you all.