Less Anxiety - Room for Hope?

Marie and I live in an apartment above our business premises. It's slightly more spacious than the average British house, and it has a small patio area for sunbathing/pot plants/kids to play, so it's quite comfortable...but it doesn't have a garden. All my older children live in houses with gardens, and Marie has noticed how the gardens become an alternative living area when the weather suits, the kids like to play in them, the adults like to barbeque, but she knows that we cannot move to a house because of her agoraphobia. She can't stay at home by herself while I go to work. A week at her parents' house, with its large garden, highlighted this shortcoming in our own home. It was one of the subtle differences in attitude that Marie has had since we both returned home from our separate holidays.

Another difference was an almost intangible increase in Marie's self-confidence and a lessening in her overall anxiety level. I'm not even sure that she realised this herself, but I could tell.

And then I noticed how much our children - particularly Orla - had missed their mum. Marie noticed it too. They smothered her with affection on the first night of our return home, and have been showing her their love for her ever since. It's beautiful to watch.

Then Marie has been working in our business pretty much every day, at least for part of the time. More than that, she has been letting me leave the building while she works. Of course, she's not alone. There are other staff there. But it's an improvement from just a couple of weeks ago, when she felt unable to work unless I was at home.

Joseph took this photo
of us at the beach.
Not bad for a 6 year-old,
don't you think?

And she got her car serviced and has been driving it around town (½ mile from here maximum) on several occasions - with just the kids accompanying her. She has even driven to Orla's nursery totally unaccompanied. Ok, so it's only ¼ mile away, but it's the start of something bigger, isn't it? ...Perhaps?

We have been going on picnics to a nearby beach, making the most of the superb weather we are currently enjoying. We have been playing soccer with the kids. Although Marie can't stray more than 2m (2 yards) from our car, she has been getting some exercise!

A strange picture of
Marie & Sharyl enjoying
a drink.
On Friday evening, she and Sharyl went out to the local pubs. We have 7 within ¼ mile of our home. Marie drove of course (she is almost teetotal so no drink-driving was involved), and they managed to visit 3 pubs, ending up at the one at the harbour which has seating outside. The weather, as earlier mentioned, being really good, they sat here mixing with both locals and boat owners from the marina until almost 1 am Saturday morning. This was the 1st time Marie has been out in our town without me in the 7 years we have been living together.

And the best of it all - the hope for the future - was this brief sentence Marie said, out of the blue, on Saturday - "I'll have to get used to staying at home on my own, so that we can get a house." It's is the first goal Marie has set herself (or at least, the first one she has told me).

Is this the start of something, or just a flash in the pan? We'll see...

Agoraphobia and Family Homes

So you've retired, all the children have left home and you're living in a big house. A 4-bedroom house. And you mostly only use one or two of the bedrooms and you've NEVER used the fourth bedroom - it's just been a store room. the house is much too big for just two.

You decide to move house.

You look around for AGES.

What would you end up with?

A two bedroom bungalow (no stairs to negotiate in your later years)? Perhaps a 3-bedroom bungalow, just in case you get lots of visitors at once. Or maybe a modest detached house (you can put in a stair-lift later, if necessary)?

What about this house?


It's got 8 (yes, EIGHT) bedrooms spread over 3 floors. It's got stables, an air-raid shelter (no home should be without one!) and its own fresh-water well. It's even got a basement underneath with a tunnel which leads to a nearby castle! The whole building is not in good repair. A typical home for retirement???

This is what Marie's parents have bought. It's situated on the South coast of England near the sea and close to a military port. Part of the house was originally a 16th century farmhouse while the Georgian wing is the most modern part (except for the purpose-built 2nd world war self-contained air-raid bunker). The building is believed to have been used for military purposes during the 2nd world war, which would account for the bunker, and the tunnel would have come in useful in the right circumstances. Because of its historical importance, it's a government listed building and requires special planning permission for even the smallest alteration. Oh, and it's supposed to be haunted...


Marie's parents are treating it as their retirement project. They intend to sympathetically restore it and expose all the (many) covered-up period features. If completed the way they visualise it (and fortunately they have enough money to do it), it will become a very desirable and interesting home.

When Marie first visited her new family home, she was little short of panic-stricken. If this had been a hotel, we would definitely NOT have stayed in it. With its long hallways, it is most definitely NOT agoraphobia friendly. Five hours later, she was still anxious, but reasonably comfortable in a couple of the ground-floor rooms. After staying there for a little over a week (while I took the children on holiday), she became comfortable with the whole building - even the top floor - and part of the front garden. She was even able to explore the windowless bunker. When she had a paranormal experience, feeling drawn to an end bedroom - later identified as the one supposedly occupied by the ghost...she did not know this at the time - it didn't frighten her and she is able to joke about it.


Did her parents take into consideration their daughter's agoraphobia when they decided to purchase this property?

They probably assumed that their daughter would, out of necessity, learn to deal with the building.

And they were right.

Family Holiday & Agoraphobia

I have endured family holiday photos many times. I always say things like "Wow, that looks really nice" or "Those are really nice photos" or "Looks really good - you must have had a really good time", but I NEVER say what I'm really thinking, which would more likely be "How soon will this be over..."

Our family holiday was at a holiday park in Woolacombe, SW England, chosen specifically for its children's facilities. Not all that far from where we live. My daughter Jenna, her husband Colin and my granddaughter Elisha shared the holiday accommodation with us.

My family photos aren't spectacular viewing, either, but I have a point to make by showing them...

Orla, Joseph and Elisha enjoy the playgrounds.
Orla (and Joseph) liked the adventure playgrounds, too.
Both kids liked the indoor play areas.
There was a good crèche.
Carla brought my other grandchildren to visit one day. Here is Shannon.
Everybody, adults and children, enjoyed the various pools.
Orla really enjoyed the pools. Here she is with Jenna & Elisha nearby and Carla & Reece in the background.
Joe and grandson Lee enjoyed the water slides & flumes.
Everyone joined in at the bowling alley.
We went to the clubhouse most evenings. There was a kids' disco before the adult entertainment.
Joe enjoyed many other activities.

Joseph went to the Kids' Club most days.

The kids had an absolutely terrific time, and the adults were able to enjoy a few drinks and quality entertainment at the clubhouse in the evenings. The holiday park's facilities exceeded our expectations, and the holiday was a great success.

So what was missing?

Or rather, who's missing? Who isn't in any of the photos above?

It's Marie. Because of her agoraphobia, she couldn't be with us. She stayed with her parents, instead.

Isn't that sad...?