Cervical smear test and McDonald's

"Ok Marie, just lie there and open your legs wide. This is going to feel embarrassing, just like men get embarrassed when they expose their bits." Marie's favourite doctor ("just call me Caroline") was talking non-stop to her in a "what-a-lovely-time-we're-going-to-have" over-the-top cheerful tone, preparing Marie for her cervical smear test. Marie had asked me to stay with her to minimise her anxiety.

I suspect that the last bit of her patter was added because I was also in the room. Alas, this shows that she has little understanding of what embarrasses men.

This first time I exposed my genitalia to a Health Professional was at school, when I was 13. Along with the rest of the boys from my class, I had to strip down to my underpants and stand in a line. A nurse approached each boy in turn, pulled down his underpants and felt his testicles (or, I suppose, noticed their absence). This was, I recall, mildly embarrassing, but the worst feeling was fear. The vast majority of us had never had our genitals touched by anyone other than ourselves, so the anticipation of a pretty nurse in her early 20's touching us caused much adolescent giggling - and FEAR. We were all terrified that we would have an erection. Now that would have been embarrassing!

In the boys' changing rooms at school, exposing one's genitalia was almost de rigeur; while in public gyms and swimming pools, men and boys, totally naked, their bits flapping and slapping, sauntered around comfortably and unselfconsciously.

No, dear doctor - sorry, I mean Caroline - real embarrassment for a man would be to have to profess his love for his wife (or girlfriend/boyfriend) in public. He would much prefer to expose his private parts to the crowd at Wembley Stadium than expose his feelings!

But I digress.

"You can hold Marie's hand," Caroline told me.

Not likely! Marie had both hands poised for emergency action. They were on a hair-trigger, waiting for the slightest reason to protect her lady-bits.

"Just relax," Caroline instructed Marie, "this will be over in no time at all."

Relax? While having foreign objects inserted, to carry out an unknown procedure? Once, at a sexual health clinic, I had a foreign object inserted into my penis to take a swab. I was told to relax, too. Not possible!

It seemed that Caroline was taking most of the morning. It was like she was looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. However, she was still continuing with her cheerful chatter...

"That cervix seems to be hiding."
"Mmmm, we'll look over here."
"How about over here?"
"Ah, there it is!"
"Ooops, it's tilted a bit."
"Mmmm, it's tilted a lot."
"Ah, I've got it!"
"No, not yet..."

Eventually it was all over. Caroline complimented Marie on her bravery in making it to the doctor's surgery for the first time in 5 years (yeay!), and coping with her cervical smear test in an admirable way.

Also, this week, Marie managed to get into Orla's nursery again!

Marie drove to the nearest McDonald's (9 miles) and bought the children and herself milkshakes!

Yes, it's all good news this week.

Men Only Weekend

I had a "men only" weekend.

There was just me, my son Joseph and my younger grandson, Reece. Marie had gone to her parents' house for the weekend and Orla had gone with her. (She didn't drive there - I took her halfway and her father took her the rest.)

Joseph and Reece were as good as gold. They played computer games, games on the games consoles and board games. Lots of games. They also drew and coloured-in, built buildings and vehicles with Lego and drove toy cars around the rooms.

On Saturday, we went to the playground, played football and basketball and went to the beach where they dodged the flying spray from the waves as they crashed into the rocks with tireless vigour.

On Sunday - the weather was superb - we went to a picturesque combe (local word for valley) in the Quantock Hills. Blaze came too, of course. Here, after 30 minutes walk, the boys attempted to dam the river. I had to help, too. Naturally. For about an hour. Then we climbed to the top of one of the sides of the combe where we enjoyed spectacular views of, on one side, wild countryside; on the other side, the nearby sea (a couple of miles away). Then we made our way back to the car using a path on top of the hills.

Very noticeable was the absence of shrill female voices - particularly Orla's. One doesn't realise how noisy a 3 year old girl constantly is until she's absent. Apart from her noise, there is the never-ending stream of parental directions about what she should/should not do.

Joseph and I discussed this on Sunday evening, just after dropping Reece home and before meeting the returning females
.
"Dad..." said Joseph, "it's really quiet without Orla, isn't it?"
"Yes. Is that good or bad?"
"Really good!"
"Would you like her to stay away forever?"
Joseph pondered. But only for a second.
"No." It was unequivocal. "I'd miss her."

Awwwwwwww....

Changes in agoraphobia and The Linden Method

It is 2½ weeks since Marie met with Charles Linden. Her agoraphobia has changed, but it has been up and down.

First the good news. The biggest change in Marie's lifestyle is her increased ability to get around in her car. She can now drive up to 8 miles unaccompanied. Marie can now take our children to and from school, visit her friends when she wants, go to some shops and take Blaze out to places where he can run around freely. One major achievement is that Marie has been able to join the local gym and goes there by herself.

Secondly, the not-so-good news. Marie's new-found ability to walk any meaningful distance has now more or less deserted her. Almost all her previous improvements have disappeared. The most disappointing aspect of this is that Marie is no longer able to go into Orla's nursery. She can take her there in her car, but she can't take her inside. She can take the dog to nearby fields, but she cannot walk him when she gets there - he has to run around by himself. She can drive to the shops, but unless she can park outside them, she cannot go in. Larger shops and supermarkets are beyond her capabilities.

However, Marie retains her positive attitude. She still believes that she is on the road to recovery and takes delight in the areas of improvement which have dramatically expanded her personal freedom. She has significantly improved her diet (aided by yours truly, who has been active in the healthy cooking area) and this, with her new fitness régime has given her a lovely, healthy glow. She has never looked so healthy.

Marie is still, in her own way, following The Linden Method. By saying "in her own way" I mean that Marie isn't, in her own words, extending herself "as much as she should". She has had all the support, by phone and email, that she has requested from the Linden Centre. So as I wrote in a previous post, "Charles Linden has shown Marie that escaping agoraphobia is possible, and he has shown her how to do it. If she doesn't get rid of her anxiety now, there will be only one explanation - she doesn't really want to".

Marie has been proceeding at her own speed. For my part, I have been predominantly a non-participating bystander. Not that I really have a choice...