Caring for the Carer of an Agoraphobia Sufferer

Imagine this... Take a foot-shaped balloon and fill it full of water. Now overfill it, until it becomes deformed. Colour it angry red with purple and dark red blotches, and give the surface a scaly appearance.

Not a pleasant image? That was the reality of the appearance of my foot last week. It was worse than this. I had a quite severe case of cellulitis. It started with a fever and within 12 hours, I was unable to walk too. Yesterday was the first day that I was able to walk better than a pathetic hobble; and I'm quite a lot better today. But never mind me...

Marie's anxiety increases when I'm unwell. I'm sure that she hopes that (a) it's nothing serious and (b) I'll get better soon; but it comes out as "Will you have to go to hospital?" (she would have to stay with someone else while I was there), and "How are the kids going to get to/from school/nursery?" (someone else will have to take them). On this occasion normal treatment did not require a visit to the hospital and Joseph has been on a half-term break from school. Marie has been looking after my needs and has been (as usual) very caring.

When I can't stay with Marie for any time more than a day, she goes to her parents' home. We didn't need that this time, but Marie did have them take the children to stay with them for a week. It was either stay with their grandparents or stay imprisoned in our home. I often work at home, but as luck would have it, some of my staff were on holiday and I was supposed to be working away from home in a different town. Marie is able to work, but only in the premises beside our home. I had to ask some of my staff to work in different premises and change their hours so that Marie could work here and free them up for another site. I am extremely fortunate to have helpful, flexible staff (who know my situation) and between us all, everything in the business is running smoothly.

Collette has been ferrying urgent supplies into our home as required and a large order for groceries and other mundane domestic supplies was made online to be delivered tomorrow. The parents of one of Joseph's school friends has agreed to bring Joseph home from school this week and the lady running the nursery is to look after Orla when required and collect and deliver her. My very understanding doctor has offered to make a house call because I can't leave home while Marie is at work. He's not obliged to do this - isn't he fantastic? And the pharmacy delivers my medication.

So you see that we have a well-oiled machine here - all geared to Marie's agoraphobia.

But it would take so little to make it all grind to a halt.

What would happen if I became more seriously ill and Marie got too stressed to stay here? Or if I was hospitalised? Where would Joseph stay to avoid missing school? If Marie's parents couldn't look after her, who would? Would one of her sisters take time off work to care for her? Who would look after me? Who would care for the carer? I'm sure that there are lots of carers who would have trouble answering the same question.

It's not easy, looking after an agoraphobic.

A New Home for Colm, another Wedding and another Baby

Last weekend was really busy.

On Friday evening, we went to Exeter hospital (psychiatric ward) to see Colm. He was in good enough form, but anxious about his forthcoming move to his new home. That was the week's best news. Colm is to move out of the hospital in the next couple of weeks, when his new accommodation is ready. It's not the home we had looked at a month ago - he is to live in a 3-bedroom detached house with 2 others (with 24-hour care). He's got his own bathroom and satellite tv. He's going to be working, part-time and fully supervised, at the nearby Riding for the Disabled centre where he will be able to resume his equestrian pursuits. The house is situated in friendly residential cul-de-sac in a village about 30 minutes' drive from here. He will be a 10 minute drive from 2 of his older sisters, and a third is moving into that area soon. So he will have plenty of family around him. Now Marie and I can look forward to less stress in that part of our life.

On Saturday morning, Collette called round to discuss her wedding plans. She only got engaged 12 days ago, and at that time she told everyone that the wedding would be a some unspecified date about two years in the future. Now she's decided to get married next April. (No, she's NOT pregnant!) Collette's mother doesn't figure in her life, so it's up to Marie and me and her sisters to put it all together. I know that it will all work out well, and we can look forward to a joyous wedding day. However, Marie is already getting anticipatory anxiety...

In the afternoon, we went to Carla's house where Lee's birthday was being celebrated. Colleen & Collette and their men and loads of beer were there too, so there was lots of noisy fun.

And then on Sunday, we went to Marie's parents' house to see her sisters. Her older sister, Karen, had travelled from her home in Brighton. It was her 39th birthday the following day and this was the day for the birthday cake and presents. Her other sister lives close to her parents and brought along her husband and delightful little son (see picture). Karen announced that she is pregnant. The baby is due next June. For many women, 39 might be a bit old to start having children, but former footballer (soccer) Karen is in peak condition and there is no reason to anticipate any complications. Much joy and happiness all round.

Despite all this happy news, almost all of the recent improvements in Marie's agoraphobia have disappeared. She had a stomach bug last week and hasn't been driving anywhere. At her parents' house, she needed the security of her oversized bag at all times, and didn't venture outside. There is a short school holiday now, so I am hoping that she'll be back driving to school with Joseph later next week.

Our Beach

We live in a small, ancient, sleepy coastal town with narrow, quaint, irregularly shaped streets. We’re surrounded by beautiful scenery and loads of history. In the height of summer, an influx of tourists makes our population quadruple. At this time of year we get older tourists and walkers – people without children. Most of these ignore our beach, so when I took Orla there this afternoon (Joseph was at a friend’s house), we had it to ourselves.

After expending her initial, frenzied, just-got-free energy, Orla settled down to play in the sand.

It was quite late in the afternoon and the sun was getting low in the sky. It was bright, warm and calm. Cotton-wool clouds moved at a snail’s pace. The sea was softly lapping the sand and rocks while sea birds drifted effortlessly overhead (falcons nest in the cliffs which surround the beach and are beautiful to behold when in flight, but they were absent today). Far out to sea, there was a small fishing boat bobbing gently.

Only the sounds of nature were audible.

Peaceful.

Relaxing.

This beach is only 100m from our home, but it is inaccessible by car. It’s about 20m from the road and surrounded by cliffs. You have to walk to it. But because of that, even though she has lived here for the last 8 years, Marie has never seen it.

One day…one day, Joseph and Orla and I are going to take Marie to that beach. That’s a promise!