Agoraphobia - outdoor coping skills test postponed

Marie wanted to go out and check out some shops, get some Christmas presents, see if her outdoor coping skills are also improving. We had everything organised to go on Monday when Joseph was at school, extra staff were working so that we wouldn't be needed and Orla was booked into a nursery for the day; but alas! it wasn't to be.

First of all, Orla went sick on Saturday. Puked all over me, so that was good fun (lol). Next, late on Sunday night, Joseph vomited over his bedroom floor. Perhaps he liked the feel of this, for he repeated it in the hall, and finally at the entrance to the bathroom.

There are nicer things to do at 2.30 am than clean vomit from carpets...

Marie has been enjoying working for the past few months, so I took on the childcare duties. Orla hasn't been physically sick since Saturday, but she has been running a temperature off & on since and is stuck to me constantly like a second skin. She spends large amounts of time on my knee. Poor Joseph was retching just a few hours ago. Too big to sit on my knee now, he tends to lay his head against my chest. With this unplanned, unexpected use of my time, other things are running behind schedule - mainly Christmas preparations and some work projects.

However, the good news is that Marie's recent improvements have remained, and she's been on her own a few times.

Emma Roberts rang. Marie phoned earlier telling her of her progress. Emma told Marie that she would send her an email containing instructions for some new exercises to do to allay panic. It arrived shortly afterwards, but neither Marie nor I have had a chance to read it properly.

Marie & I have met quite a few therapists of one sort or another over the years, and I can tell you that for lots of them, their income stream seems more important than the progress of their clients. Emma Roberts is different. Since Sharon Osbourne introduced Emma to Marie about 15 months ago, she hasn't asked for any payment. Makes me feel guilty. Perhaps we'll go to see her (in London) next year just to have a paid consultation. If any readers want to try EFT (Emma does therapy by phone, so you can reside anywhere in the world and still use her services), you could do a lot worse than give Emma a try. Btw, I'm not getting paid for this plug! But perhaps I could send Emma a begging email...

More steps away from agoraphobia

It is 12 days since Marie’s EMDR appointment and there have been significant changes. For the better! In fact, there has been a major improvement in one area – staying home alone.

Marie has not been able to stay anywhere on her own - for more than a few minutes - since she was 16. Over the past couple of weeks, that has changed dramatically. She has been staying at home without a safe person for increasing amounts of time. Here are the steps she took –

* 1 hour with just the children while I went to a meeting ½ mile away. Marie rang two different friends who live close by to check that they would be in “in case of emergency”. I had my mobile phone with me, of course.

* 1½ hours on her own while Orla and I went to Joseph’s nativity play at his school, ½ mile away. (It is sad that Marie's agoraphobia kept her from going too and seeing her son being applauded by everyone there...) Two friends were put on standby again and Marie went into the “No More Panic” chat room for a while for support. I had my phone with me, of course, but this time on “silent” mode.

* 2 hours on her own while Joseph, Orla and I finished a shopping trip, 20 miles away, and returned home. Marie used “No More Panic” chat room again, but this time didn’t have friends on standby. I rang her a couple of times, just to check her anxiety level. She was fine!

* 5 hours at home with the children while my sister, her new man and I went to Sharyl’s college play (excerpts from Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales – mainly the lewd tales – just what you would expect from hormone-flooded adolescents…). Our phone line had gone down and with it our internet connection, so no chat room support this time. Marie didn’t ring me the whole time.

* Tonight I went out twice for relatively short periods, but Marie wasn’t even slightly anxious.

Up until recently, Marie could only work if I was in the same building or at home, but this has also improved. This afternoon I had to go to a meeting 20 miles away, and Marie worked the whole time.

All the above happened without Marie having a panic attack.

So things are looking better for Marie. And it had nothing to do with EMDR! Although her appointment was 12 days ago, she was ill (stomach bug) and couldn’t go. Now she’s undecided about going. Why bother, I wonder? She’s improving anyway. If she goes now, she won’t know if EDMR is helping her or if she would be improving anyway. And there’s always the slight possibility that it might halt her progress – or worse…

Panic Attack near Posh Shops

We went to Clifton yesterday. Clifton is a THE posh suburb of Bristol with the some absolutely gorgeous Georgian and Victorian architecture, including the world's largest crescent of houses (there are 46 of them in the crescent). And, of course, the world's first suspension bridge over the impressive Avon gorge. And a lovely, large, interesting park. Want to live here? In the best streets, you can pay around £1,000,000 for a pad, and that's for a sixth-floor one bedroom apartment suitable for a non-claustrophobic, easy-to-please midget with the bathroom in the basement!!! There are also lots of hotels, posh or nouveau riche natives and rich American tourists (poor Americans go elsewhere).

Enough of the travel writing. Marie likes Clifton village very much. It has small, interesting shops full of exclusive items and super designer shops. Of course, it has shop prices to match! (Now you see why poor American tourists go elsewhere!)

I'm not that comfortable when we visit Clifton. Firstly, when I look at what those around me are wearing (...jeans £150, top £150, shoes £150, coat with leather & faux fur £600...that's over £1,000 ($2,000)! Excluding jewellery!), I feel like the poor cousin coming to visit. Even though I have polished up my Doc Martins. Then I see Marie hovering over the designer tops and visualise my next credit card statement...ouch!!

But most of all, Marie likes Clifton village because you can park on the street outside the shops!

Free!!!!

Well, that's if you can find a space...

We were really lucky and quickly found a parking space big enough to accommodate our car, and then Marie began to explore the shops with the purpose of buying some Christmas presents (only for special people - we couldn't afford to buy many presents here!). Marie ooohed and aaahed and said "Look Robert, isn't that really cool/nice/sweet?" at various intervals while I stood around trying to be unobtrusive. Also, hiding yawns and my bored expression took lots of concentration. In this way we spent an hour quite pleasantly.

Clifton has an unusual café/shop. It's the chocaholic's heaven. All things chocolate are sold here. Nearly everything on the menu in the café is chocolate based. For Marie it is a "must" to visit when in Clifton. We were making our way there, about 100m from the car and about 30m from the café (near the posh shops in the picture below) when Marie had a panic attack. A full-blown one - the worst I've ever witnessed her having. When the panic subsided somewhat, Marie dragged me back (literally) towards the car and, for her, safety.

In the safety of the car, we discussed the panic attack. Marie told me that it was the worst one she'd had for many years - the one she had spent the last several years trying to avoid. She had really wanted to scream, but because she was in the middle of the street, had managed to stop herself. I tried to put the positive side of this to her - she had survived the panic attack, it hadn't killed her, she had coped with it without fainting, screaming or otherwise making a complete fool of herself. I suggested that she remember this when she felt another one was a possibility. This seemed to relax Marie. She still wanted to go to the chocolate café, so I drove the car that way, hoping to find another parking space.

Again we were lucky and found another parking space closer to the chocolate café. Once there, Marie had a hefty sugar and fat fix. (How does she keep her stick-insect figure? Just looking at all that chocolate forced me to loosen my belt a notch...) This fortified her enough to continue exploring the shops.

In fact she did really well after lunch, and we managed to explore shops on five nearby streets! Big achievement for Marie and a very successful day out for her. She managed to find a few affordable, trendy gifts, so as a shopping exercise the day had been successful too. I saw an attractive stainless steel watch - a Breitling Bentley, (I had never heard of this brand before) but even though the price was only £4, 850 ($9,700) - very reasonable (lol!) - I decided to wait for another day to purchase... Yes, Clifton village is that sort of place.

Friday brings Marie's first EMDR appointment. I'm hoping this will be successful too.