Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Children, sex, lesbian love and swinging

Children's innocent remarks are often entertaining and sometimes amusing, and probably never more so than when commenting or enquiring about potentially embarrassing aspects of sex.

For example, one morning Marie and I were feeling somewhat amorous. It was early in the morning and long before our children would awaken, ready for stomach-filling activities (aka breakfast). I won't go into great detail here, but to set the general scene, I must inform you dear readers that Marie and I had passed the initial amorous advances and were about to sample the main course....when we heard a small voice say, "Daddy!"

Immediately Marie and I froze. We directed our attention to the bedroom doorway, where Orla was standing, holding her "baby".

"Daddy", she continued in a serious lecturing tone, "you shouldn't go to sleep on mummy. It's not nice!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At the advanced age of 7, Joseph is already quite well informed on the mechanics of procreation. However, one evening, he appeared troubled, and approached Marie for illumination.

"Mummy", he started, "you know that ladies have to be married to have a baby..."
"Well, they don't have to be married - they can have a partner," Marie suggested.
"I know that!" was his disdainful reply. "But Auntie X...she has a girl partner, and she has a baby. How did she get her baby? Two ladies can't make a baby, can they?"
"No, they can't. Auntie X had to go to a hospital to get pregnant." At this point, Marie is wondering how much more explaining she will have to do.
"What did they do at the hospital?"
"Auntie X got some man stuff there." Marie is getting desperate here. Will she have to explain everything?

She was in luck. Joseph had received all the information he needed at that time. Somehow I have a feeling that we'll be revisiting that subject again...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On an entirely different subject...

Pushing a toddler on the swing is one of the less interesting tasks undertaken by parents. To alleviate the boredom, one day, I carefully positioned myself in front of the toddler of the day in just the right place so that I could be kicked gently while pretending that, looking in the other direction, I was totally unaware of this. TOTD obligingly kicked me in the backside and I performed an exaggerated jump of (mock) surprise. TOTD thought this was absolutely hilarious, and I had to keep repeating this antic ad nauseum.

Since then, I have repeated this exercise with many toddlers. Every single one has found it exceptionally amusing and the only problem has been for the toddlers to avoid laughing themselves sick.

Of course, once they get older they outgrow this.

Joseph, who is one of the children who has outgrown this activity must have fond memories of it. Recently, I left him and Orla to amuse themselves on a playground while I amused the dog. on the grass nearby. As I was returning to the playground, I noticed Joseph entertaining Orla on the swing in a similar manner to that in which I had amused him a couple of years ago. I managed to capture some of this with my trusty Sony Ericcson mobile phone, and the result is below.

Joseph and Orla have the normal sibling rivalries and rows of course. However, Joseph often exhibits care and affection for his little sister, and she, naturally, dotes on him. Here he is amusing Orla by copying me. I am both flattered and proud.


Anonymous said...

Spectre at the side of the bed- been there too. You sense a presence and its your worst nightmare. Very embarassing.

All the best


Kit Courteney said...

That laughter says it all!

How lovely.